Dumbledore's Pawn: Lily Potter
by marzipan0
Summary: Dumbledore has come up with a plan to defeat Lord Voldemort and needs the Potter's help. This documents the last few days of the Potters lives and how they cope with the fate of the wizarding world on their shoulders. Canon. Correlates with Dumbledore's Pawn: Severus Snape
1. Chapter 1

"I would like a word with the Potters," Dumbledore stated at the end of the order meeting.

Peter looked up hopefully and stuck around as everyone left as he had been staying with the Potters recently.

"Alone, Pettigrew, I have serious matters to discuss with them."

"Whatever you say, Dumbledore," James replied. "You can go ahead on home without us, Wormtail. We will meet you there."

Peter gave a sad look and then started leaving with the rest of the order. He was carrying a bag of his belongings.

As soon as the door closed behind the last person, Lily spat out, "What is it Dumbledore? Do you know when they will be coming for us? Are we going to have a full showdown?"

"In fact, I want to discuss something of the complete opposite nature," Dumbledore replied calmly. "But before I explain, I need to know how far you are willing to go to defeat Lord Voldemort."

"To the death!" Exclaimed James. "I am willing to die to bring old Voldy down!"

Silence. They both turn to look to Lily.

"As am I, though I am a bit concerned about what that would mean for Harry. If we both die, who will take care of him?"

"Sirius would, don't worry, love."

"I will discuss your concern with you in a moment, but I will explain a plan that I recently discovered as a possibility to take down Voldemort, hopefully once and for all."

"Let's hear it," Lily said eagerly.

"There is an ancient magic built on the premise of love and sacrifice, when performed properly it should protect the subject from death. However, it does require the ultimate sacrifice—a life in exchange for a life saved. It would require you to willing lay down your life for your son."

"We are, we've hopefully demonstrated it already. James going into hiding willingly is a major example, but how does this stop Voldemort?"

"If Lord Voldemort tries to kill little Harry after you completed the spell with your sacrifice, the spell should rebound and kill him instead."

Lily and James exchange a significant look.

"Now this means that Harry will bring the downfall of Lord Voldemort as predicted in the prophecy, as Voldemort has clearly chosen Harry as his rival. Or it means that Voldemort would be severely weakened and if we hide Harry from his followers, he should be able to come of age before having to face Voldemort again. Are you willing to go along with this plan?"

"Yes, of course," Lily said as James nodded his head eagerly. "What do you need us to do?"

"The biggest thing I need you to do is to not act like anything is different. If you suddenly decide to come out of hiding or abruptly change plans, it will look suspicious. No one else is to know of this plan or it will fail. We know we have a spy close to you two, so especially do not tell your friends, James. I know it will be hard for you, but it could be any of them."

"It's not Sirius, I can tell you that much. I would bet my life on it."

"Regardless, do not tell even Black. This is very important information. We will proceed with the plan of moving you into the Potter Cottage and use of the fidelius charm with Sirius Black as the secret keeper. However, we expect this plan to fail. Either the spy will give the information or they will kill Black and the spy will then have the information to pass it on to Lord Voldemort.

"When Voldemort comes, it is best you are unarmed. Fighting can negate the willing sacrifice part on the enchantment. You are to face Voldemort wandless and die willingly." A deathly silence fell on the room. "If you both follow these instructions and go through the blood ceremony required before this event happens, making sure no one observes you doing so, then I think we have a very good chance of bringing down Voldemort once and for all."

The heavy silence hung in the room for another minute before James said, "I am willing. I will die so the wizarding world can be saved."

Lily just breathed in the weight of everything. Leave her son to face the world alone knowing it will be a better world. It was a hard decision, be there for him and fight for him or sacrifice yourself for him to live in a better world. It would have been so much easier to say if it had been anyone else's child. She would die so willingly for the wizarding world, but leaving her weak defenseless baby alone in a world that decided he should die from before he could walk and talk, it was more than she could bear. However, she knew what was the right thing to do, but she had to make sure it would work.

"I will be as long as I can see that it will work. I'm not leaving Harry if it would mean leaving him alone when Voldemort is at large and wants to kill him."

"I expected as much from you," Dumbledore said with a smile as he pulled out a very old book and handed it to her. "The bookmarked page explains the spell and how to perform the blood ceremony. I ask that you take the moment to memorize it as I cannot risk this book leaving my presence for fear of too much information on what you are doing getting out."

Lily nodded as she took the book and read about the spell. James read over her shoulder and was done much earlier than her. After several more minutes where James was clearly getting bored and shifting in his seat, Lily looked up.

"I have some questions," she started, "It says h—"

"Hold up," Dumbledore said lifting his hand, "James, do you have any questions?"

"No, I see it. I've read it. I've memorized the ceremony. I'm ready to take down Voldemort once and for all."

"Excellent, I'm sure Bathilda would appreciate you going home and relieving her of babysitting duties. I will discuss the minor concerns Lily has and send her home when we are finished."

"It's true she doesn't like staying up that late." James stood up and grabbed Lily's hand and kissed it. "Don't worry too much, love. It will be worth it, we can trust Dumbledore. I'll see you when you get home."

"Yes, deer," Lily said, smirking at her joke. And with that James turned and left her alone with Dumbledore.


	2. Chapter 2

Dumbledore turned and looked at her expectantly. She decided it would be best to vocalize her concerns in their entirety instead of just firing off several questions.

She took a deep breath, "I want to bring down Voldemort; it has been one of the only things that I have been sure about in my entire life. When James and I had Harry, it only solidified that desire, but it also makes me realize I have more responsibilities in the world. I only want to do this if it will work. I can't leave Harry if it will just make him more defenseless to Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

"That being said, here it explains that the spell only works if the person who is after someone wasn't planning on killing the person who sacrifices themselves. As per the prophecy, we've battled and earned our stripes as enemies of Voldemort and thus are on his list of people he wants dead. I don't see how this will work in our circumstance."

Dumbledore let her concern sit in silence for a moment, then he cast an imperturbable charm to block any chance of an eavesdropper hearing their conversation.

"This is why I wished to speak with you alone because there is a portion of the plan that I cannot allow your husband to know, only because he will refuse to go along with it as it depends on someone he hates." Lily scooted to the edge of her seat to listen better to Dumbledore. "Severus Snape is the one who is helping us out with that part."

Lily's heart both dropped and sped up. Her childhood friend who she knew had joined the Death Eaters was helping?

"Severus?"

"Yes, he is a spy against Lord Voldemort and if you let that information get any further than this room he will immediately be killed and our plan spoiled. He is doing it at great risk to himself, with no thought on how things will reflect on him negatively. He—"

"How long has he been acting spy?"

"Several years, in fact, he joined the Death Eaters on my command. Do not worry, he is not the one passing essential information to Voldemort. I've tested information with him. He only takes to Voldemort things I tell him to, but that—"

"I can't believe it," Lily suddenly was filled with the guilt of a thousand lifetimes. He had been on her side the entire time. She was the one who turned him away, his only friend on the side of the light because he seemed too dark to do anything good. Here he was, doing more good than anyone else could manage because of his knowledge of the dark. She had judged him too soon and too harshly.

"Lily, I'm sorry this is bothering you, but we need to wrap this meeting up quickly. Severus has asked Voldemort to spare you in exchange for performing a separate dangerous task. He has held up his end of the deal and now all that is left is for Voldemort to hold up his end of the deal. He will ask you to step aside or stand down, you just need to tell him to take you instead. If need be, throw yourself in front of the killing curse for Harry and the sacrifice will be complete."

"I need to talk to him, to thank him…" Lily cast around in her mind to think if there were words that could be said to ask for his forgiveness for leaving him alone and then for him still being willing to help bring down the one man that Lily had been sure he would chose instead of her.

"If you reach out to him, it will be telling and put him and this entire plan in danger. I knew I could not tell James because he would not trust Severus and he would rebel against the plan. You must be careful to not even think of this part of the plan in front of other people. It is a secret between the three of us."

Lily pushed her concerns and regrets about Severus to the back of her mind. She needed to focus, she would have time to bemoan her betrayal of her friend later when they were stuck at the house with nothing to do.

"Now, if I remember correctly, you had concerns about Harry after your sacrifice. Did you read anything in the book that made you realize what the plan would be?"

"Er—" Lily looked down at the book to refresh her mind of what she had been thinking about before the weight of Severus's true loyalties hit her. "It says something about living with blood relatives of the sacrificee, but my parents died in a car crash several months ago and Petunia would rather die than have anything to do with the wizarding world."

"I do know that James plans on Sirius taking care of Harry as he is godfather, however, I am afraid that cannot happen for Harry to be protected until he comes of age. If Sirius is as loyal as James believes, he would die rather than betray your position, which is most likely what will happen. Then the spy will have the information and Voldemort will come for you. It will be sad for us to lose the three of you, but I came up with this plan a bit too late for us to be able to change things without raising suspicions.

"Of course, it could turn out that Black is the spy and you will be very grateful that I have made other arrangements for Harry."

Lily shifted nervously in her chair, the spy business had made everything even harder for them but it now seemed to be working in their favor.

"I will bring Harry to your sister's home and explain everything to her." Dumbledore continued. "I expect that she will take Harry in willingly, as required by the enchantment, but I do expect her to begrudge him if he demonstrates signs of magic like you. However, as long as she allows him to live under her roof, he will be protected."

"If you really don't think Voldemort will be destroyed by this plan, why are we sacrificing ourselves? Shouldn't we just fight harder?"

"We have lost many of our followers recently, we do not have enough power to keep gong indefinitely. If Voldemort has made arrangements so that he will not die when killed, as there are many ways to do so in the realm of dark magic, this is the best way to allow our side to recoup and prepare for his return.

"I hope there will be enough time between his downfall and his return that Harry will be able to come of age and be prepared for when he ultimately must face Voldemort to bring his downfall. I will watch over his training and give him extra—"

"But what about the Death Eaters? Won't they just continue on his quest if he disappears? It's what we would do if they managed to get rid of you, we would keep fighting. Wouldn't they?"

"Lord Voldemort is even more secretive with his plans and followers than I am. I doubt they will be able to continue without him, especially since Voldemort is more interested in power than in the purification of the wizarding race. He runs with the idea to get his followers to do his bidding, but in the end I doubt he cares much about purifying the wizarding race.

"There might be a small ou-tlash right after his downfall, but having him live with your sister will protect him from the few fanatics until we can land them in Azkaban. We will protect Harry as we have been doing since he was chosen. Your sacrifice will just make it harder for them to take him."

Lily nodded. She could see they were running out of options. Voldemort had let out all the stops recently on his terror rampage. They would probably be dead within a year anyway and the sacrifice was just a way to weaken Voldemort for his ultimate demise. If it didn't work, then they all would be dead instead of having to face the terrible world Voldemort would create.

But the enchantment would work. Harry would live and he would live in a world not dominated with violence and hatred. That had to be enough, but what about Petunia?


	3. Chapter 3

"Petunia," Lily could not forget her sister's anger the last time they talked, "She will not like having Harry. What if she is mean to him? What if she takes out her hatred of me out on him? Harry needs to be loved and taken care of. If she can't forgive me, and I don't have time to really apologize for everything, I can't imagine her taking care of Harry."

"I will assure you that she will take Harry in. I cannot assure you that she will treat Harry as her own son, but I think that will be for the best."

"Why?"

"If Harry really does bring the demise of Voldemort, he would be famous in the wizarding world. If he were to be brought up in the wizarding world, he would be brought up as a hero and would most likely be too cocky to learn the skills needed to eventually take down Voldemort. If he is brought up in the muggle world, he will be more humble and understand that he needs to work hard to learn."

"Yes, but that has nothing to do with Petunia neglecting him and purposely forgetting his birthday or failing to give him the attention when something hard comes up in his life. I just can't see her treating Harry as her own son."

"Well, shall we compare that to someone else we both know? Someone who was brought up in a neglectful and even abusive at times home and who has proven against all odds to be a decent person for the times when it really matters? Do you know who I speak of?"

At first Lily was stumped. Most of her classmates, while having issues with families, never were in situations where Lily would consider neglectful or almost abusive. Sirius Black had his fair share of battles with his family that were sometimes violent, but she knew that he brought those reactions himself. He would even admit to it. He also was cocky, but a decent person when it came down to it…unless he was the spy…

Then the image of Severus telling her to run when the quintaped came running down the hallway, images of a masked death eater who seemed to be responsible for saving her whenever she couldn't imagine surviving a duel because it was one against several death eaters, his comforting her when she was being teased for not being girly enough during her fourth year at Hogwarts, and many other circumstances when Severus helped her. She knew his parents didn't care for him, his father hated him and his mother blamed him for his father's behavior against her. Yet somehow, amidst all that he managed to show more love and care than he ever received in his life.

She looked up, realizing she was meant to come up with that conclusion. If Severus could manage, Harry could hopefully manage.

"I doubt your sister will be as bad as Severus's parents. I also expect that your blood sacrifice will also provide an extra layer of protection. I expect he will never truly feel alone, but he still will have struggles, if your sister is as bad as you fear. I, however, expect her to be begrudging, but in the end still care and love for him as a son. Maybe favor her own a little more, like you fear your parents did for you. I expect she will tell stories of you and learn to forgive you for something you could not control in time."

Lily nodded. Her sister was a good person after all, she just struggled a bit with jealousy. Hopefully she wouldn't be jealous of a baby.

"Any other questions?"

Lily shook her head. This was how it was going to be and she needed to go and do it now.

"Thank you," Dumbledore said, extending his hand to pull her from her chair. She took it and he pulled her into a hug, she needed a hug from someone besides James. "Your sacrifice will be noted for centuries. I am sorry that it has come to this, but your bravery is admirable. Your son will be proud of you."

Lily gave a small smile.

"Now go and perform the blood ceremony with James today, if possible. Wasn't today also going to be the day you perform the fidelius charm?"

"Yeah, Sirius should be waiting for us at the Potter Cottage. As you said, we can't vary from our previous plan so we will do that and then once he has left we will perform the blood ceremony."

"Goodbye, Lily. And I'm sad to say this is probably the last time I will see you in this life. Know that I love you and am proud of you."

Lily turned to leave, but Dumbledore spoke once again.

"One more thing, when Lord Voldemort does come, be sure to keep thoughts about this conversation hidden. I know you have been exposed to a little bit of Occlumency through your friendship with Severus, use it."

Lily nodded and went to leave again, but then a thought drifted into her head. She felt it wouldn't hurt to ask.

"Where is Severus now?" Lily asked, then realizing it sounded as if she were going to go back on her word to not contact him she added. "Not that I'm going to go looking for him, just what is his job? Where is he living? What was the dangerous task he completed?"

Dumbledore smiled. "He is actually at Hogwarts now, teaching potions. Voldemort asked him to become a double agent. A funny coincidence, really."

Lily smiled back, it was a funny coincidence. She then left and apparated home.


	4. Chapter 4

Once in Godric's Hallow, James greeted her with a warm hug. It felt warm and safe, unlike Dumbledore's, but Dumbledore's hug was in gratitude for choosing the harder right for the greater good.

"Ok, Sirius came up with a great plan," James whispered in her ear as he held her close on the porch. "Let him present the idea to you, but I think it will work best for what Dumbledore was telling us. Don't worry," (for Lily had started pulling away to reprimand him) "I didn't tell him. I just wanted to let you know what I thought before he told you so we wouldn't accidentally reveal something by staring at each other."

Lily's smile made a noise much like a small laugh.

"Are you love birds coming in yet?" Sirius asked, peaking his head out the front door. "James wants me to tell you my idea."

Lily and James broke apart. Lily looked into his hazel eyes and was filled with warmth and then guilt. She was keeping a major secret from him and she had always tried to avoid doing that. However, considering the circumstances, she knew Dumbledore was right that he would not go along with the plan if he knew it depended on her old friend. She stepped into the house behind James and joined Peter and Sirius in the living room.

"Ok," Sirius began, he never liked to dally much when he had something important to say. "Everyone knows that James and I are best friends and would die rather than betray each other. This means everyone will expect me to be the secret keeper and know that they will be better off killing me than asking for the secret. This means once again the secret will be more susceptible because there will be multiple secret keepers.

"However, everyone does not know the deep abiding loyalty of the marauders. Well, most of them, I know we haven't convinced Lily that Remus is the traitor, but the rest of us are sure of it! So, instead of me being the secret keeper, I thought Peter could be the secret keeper. He, too, is a marauder willing to defend his friends to the death and no one will expect him to be chosen. He will be safer because only us four will know the switch.

"Then if they come for me and kill me, Remus won't become a secret keeper and reveal your secret to Voldemort. Instead they will realize they were tricked and expect that either you, James, or Dumbledore had been made secret keeper, keeping Peter and your secret safe. No one would ever suspect him and so they will go to much longer lengths to figure out who is the real secret keeper and perhaps we can defeat them by the time they know what really happened."

Lily was shocked at the suggestion. Had Dumbledore confounded him to make his plan easier? No, he didn't demonstrate any of the tell-tale signs of being confounded. This was perfect, Sirius could be around to make sure Petunia was nice to Harry. Peter was loyal, but he was also afraid. He was known to be weak under pressure, as soon as the Death Eaters knew it was him he would give up the secret, not because he wasn't loyal and caring, but because Peter felt he wasn't strong enough to stand up to them. While Lily knew he was strong enough, Peter had never had solid self-esteem. Growing up alongside James and Sirius could do that to someone.

"James thought it was a good idea…" Sirius seemed to take her shocked silence as rejection.

"No, it's good." Lily said. "I just—I'm just surprised. It never would have occurred to me and so it wouldn't occur to anyone else and so it would work just like you said."

"Really?" Sirius asked, enthusiastically, like a dog who was told he couldn't go in the car but could go on a walk instead. "You really think it is a good idea?"

Lily had recovered from her shock now. "Yes, Sirius. I think it is a brilliant idea and we should get on to it right away. Peter, do you think it is a good idea?"

Peter looked frightened and hesitant. "I—I don't think it is a good idea."

"Why not?" James asked. "You are one of us. You've shown your strength battling with us in the Order. You will do great, plus, no one will know about the switch. You will be safe for several more months before anyone even considers you."

Peter looked even more frightened at those words. He nervously glanced around, as if looking for another option. Then he looked to James. "No one will know besides us four?"

"We won't even tell Dumbledore," James said.

Peter looked to the floor, clearly thinking hard. Lily felt bad for putting the pressure on him. She wished they could tell him that they weren't actually expecting him to be strong, but that would ruin the plan. Finally, Peter nodded in agreement.

"Excellent!" James exclaimed as he and Sirius gave each other high-fives. "Let's get this done."

James and Peter took positions for the charm. Lily pulled her wand out and started the incantation, then James said his piece and Peter accepted, and finally Lily completed the charm. Hugs were exchanged.

"I think you should take the hiding place," Sirius told Peter. "It was made to protect me from being found when I was the secret keeper, but as you are now the secret keeper, I think it would be better for you to take it. Only Dumbledore and I knew about it, so you don't have to worry. I will be the only one to visit you there."

Peter nodded and grabbed his bag from the floor. He had been staying with the Potters since the summer and had likewise been displaced when the Potter Mansion had burned down.

"Thanks, Padfoot," James said. "It's really kind of you to give Wormtail a place to stay. We'll see you both around, but Lily and I want some alone time."

James pulled Lily in for a kiss. Lily laughed.

"Gross!" Sirius said, heading to the front door. "Wormtail, we better get out of here before those love birds start going."

As Sirius and Peter turned to leave, Lily remembered something.

"Don't forget to drop a note by Bathilda's place tonight or tomorrow, she comes by regularly to keep us company."

"We will get that done," Sirius said with a wink before leaving the room with a wave.

Peter gave one last nervous glance before heading out the door behind Sirius. The door closed and James let go of Lily.


	5. Chapter 5

"You ready to go do the blood ceremony?" James asked as soon as they were alone.

"Are you sure we aren't putting too much pressure on Peter?"

"Pressure is what will break him before Sirius is killed, I think it will be fine." James took her hand and started leading her upstairs.

"But what about his state after the secret gets out? He will feel so guilty, he may never forgive himself."

James shrugged. "He won't have that long to feel bad. Voldemort will fall and then he can act like he was in on our little secret and say that it was all arranged. Don't worry, he will be fine. He is good at coming up with excuses like that. He probably got us out of half the detentions we should have earned with his clever thinking."

"Alright," Lily conceded. She wasn't really swayed, but she had too much on her mind to really stay concerned about Peter. Her impending arranged death, her guilt for pushing Severus away when he actually is a good person, and her worries about leaving Harry in Petunia's care weighed much more heavily on her mind.

The blood ceremony was fairly simple. It was good that Harry was asleep before it begun, but as soon as they cut his hand he would be awake.

James conjured a small delicate knife and sliced his palm. He handed the knife to Lily who cut a slice from her finger. She handed the knife back as she pulled out her wand. James then cut Harry's palm and held it while Harry awoke with a cry and started flailing around. He then pulled out his wand.

They recited the enchantment while Lily poked her bleeding finger into her son's bleeding hand. His cries pained her, but she knew he would be safer for it. They then repeated the enchantment while James struggled to get the blood from his palm into the cut in Harry's palm. Lily really wanted to roll her eyes at the lack of foresight he had, but she focused on the enchantment. Two lives for one would hopefully be enough, but then she remembered what Dumbledore told her.

The sacrifice had to be someone the killer had not intended on killing. James was a target. That meant his involvement in the blood ceremony was nothing more than another act to make sure he went along with the plan. Lily knew that he would never let her die and give her life without doing everything in his power to stop it. James didn't have to die, but Dumbledore knew he had to convince him that he was sacrificing himself for her and Harry or he would not go along with the plan. Had Dumbledore told her lies to get her to go along with the plan?

"Lily!" James called, Lily had no idea how long he had been calling her name.

"Yeah?"

"Can I see your hand to close up the cut?"

"Oh yeah," she extended her hand with the cut finger and he healed it. Only then did she realize he had already healed Harry's cut and his own. Harry had even fallen back to sleep.

"We have a lot to think about, huh?" James said, pulling her in to his side and kissing her forehead.

"Yeah," Lily said, trying to act calmer than she felt, realizing that it was likely that Dumbledore had lied to her about something.

"I was thinking that in order to keep Voldemort clueless until the last moment, I will have to call and tell you and Harry to run and escape while I take him on—wandless of course, because Dumbledore said that was the best way to make sure the enchantment works. Then we need to get Harry to the crib so that whatever happens to the house, he will be safe and not wandering around to fall or grab dangerous objects. We can even put a protective spell on his crib so if the rebounding spell causes structural damage he won't be hurt while in the crib.

"I expect Voldemort won't think twice about it. He will think us completely unprepared if we don't have our wands. I think that is an important part of the plan. It will be a little odd to not have it on us for however long we have left, but I think it best."

"It means no more smoke rings for Harry," Lily said, wondering if that would bother James.

James shrugged. "We'll find better ways of entertaining him. Muggles manage without wands."

Lily tried to close out her concerns and focus on the present while walking to their bedroom and starting their usual night routine.

They got into bed and James pulled her close. She knew what he was wanting and pushed him away. She couldn't manage something like that when the world's fate was resting on her shoulders. Her mind was obsessed; she had to know what Dumbledore was hiding from her in order to prevent the plan from falling apart. She started to cry.

James pulled her in to comfort her as soon as they laid down.

"There, there, it's a hard thing we are going to do, but we are both brave. We will do this and save the world and be recorded in history. We are doing the right thing. Besides, life wouldn't be worth living if Voldemort was in control. We are giving our lives so everyone else can live better, so our Harry James Potter can live better.

"We've lived a good life and have had so many wonderful moments. Let's just enjoy the ones we have left. We are all still here now. Our happy little family."

Lily somehow managed to fall asleep, but it didn't last long. She awoke with her head against James' chest as he had pulled it in to comfort her however long ago it was. Suddenly, she realized her hair was slightly wet. James had been crying too. It was hard to imagine the weight of the world on the shoulders of two who just barely left their teens.

Lily then started to reflect on how it would weigh on Harry if Voldemort did have a way to prevent him from dying from the rebounding curse. He would know that he would have to face him from a young age, at the latest 11 if Petunia didn't tell him about why Voldemort had chosen to come after him in the first place. She couldn't blame Petunia if she didn't, who would believe that the most powerful wizard would want to chase down a baby because some prophecy said he would be his downfall.

Lily then went back to figuring out what Dumbledore had lied to her about, hoping it was that James's sacrifice would be in vain and not something of more consequence. She fell into a fitful sleep. Memories of Severus helping her flittered in amongst the nightmares of Voldemort and flashes of green light.


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius was around the next morning.

"Good morning, Padfoot," Lily greeted as she joined Sirius and Harry at the kitchen table.

"Mornin', Lily," Sirius replied, sipping from his tea cup.

"What brings you here this early?" Lily asked as James set hot tea and some toast in front of Lily.

"News," Sirius replied.

"Good? Bad? Ugly?" Lily asked as James sat down next to her.

"It's mostly only bad and ugly at this point," Sirius said with a frown.

"Don't worry," James replied, picking up a piece of toast. "Bad guys never win."

Sirius looked down and sighed almost inaudibly, "As if…"

"Just get on with it," Lily encouraged Sirius. "It's not like telling us is going to change how hard any of it is."

"Ok, bad news before the ugly," Sirius said, sitting up. It was odd times like this when his proper upbringing came out. "I need to be out of contact for a week to—for an order mission. I know you wanted to have a Halloween party and all, but I won't be able to be there."

"Then you'll just have to come back later for a birthday party," James replied with a wink.

"Count me in," Sirius replied. "Anything I can do to irritate my mother, I welcome with open arms."

They all laughed, Harry included. Lily started tearing off pieces of her toast to feed to Harry.

"Don't," James moaned.

"What?"

"He's not ready for toast."

"He's practically 15 months, he can take some pieces of toast," Lily bickered.

"No, he needs soft solids. Toast will get stuck—" James suddenly stopped talking. "You're right, there's no point in arguing."

Lily felt awkward. Bickering had never felt weird before, but now it made her feel so guilty. What if Voldemort came in right now and finished them all off and the last thing she had said to James was bickering about what to feed Harry.

"I'm sorry," she replied. She and James exchanged an awkward look before turning back to Sirius. "What's the ugly news?"

"The Prewett brothers were brutally murdered last night." Sirius said, putting his head in his hands.

"Both of them?" James asked.

"Yep," Sirius replied quietly.

Lily held her teacup in the air, almost to her mouth. The Prewett brothers, Fabian and Gideon. They were two mighty duelers, if they were dead the Order was really hurting. They were so young, so talented. They had even been at the Order Meeting last evening.

Lily's heart sank as she realized that she didn't take the time to talk to anyone before or after the meeting. How many others would that be the last time she saw them? Her brave friends being picked off one by one, well not any more. Now they were being picked off in clumps.

"Well," Sirius stood up, "I don't have all day. I need to get going. I promise to keep an eye on Wormtail."

"He won't be out of your range?" James asked, standing up as well.

Lily's mind raced. Would this be their last interaction with Sirius before their death? Before Sirius's death?

"Nope, the hiding spot is where it is because I'm to be working out of that area," Sirius replied. "Because I don't have the hiding spot, I can't risk owls. But I don't mind all that since it will keep you safe."

"Thanks, brother," James said, hugging Sirius. "We will miss you."

"I'll miss you too," Sirius said.

"Bye, Sirius," Lily said, handing more pieces of toast to Harry. "We love you."

"Love you all too," Sirius said before James saw him to the door.

Lily tried to not think too much about whether or not that would be their last words to each other because of his mission going bad or Voldemort showing up in Godric's Hallow.

Lily sat at the table and continued to hand toddler-sized pieces of toast to Harry until he started throwing them back at her. James had rejoined them at the kitchen table and stared at nothing in particular. It could have been ten minutes or an hour, Lily had no idea how long they sat in silence.

"Well, that ruins any Halloween party plans I was having," James said dejectedly.

Lily shrugged.

"Prewett brothers, Sirius, Peter, and Bathilda were the only ones I expected to be able to make it."

Lily tried to not think about the war and their upcoming responsibility to willingly die at the hands of Voldemort.

"Sirius can't come, we weren't going to invite Remus, Peter shouldn't be wandering about as our secret keeper, and Bathilda, as our only other house guest, comes by regularly anyway."

"Mary and Millie could come since Sirius won't be here. Zoey, if it wouldn't bother you. I hear Chambers and Yates have been speaking well of you at the ministry from what Moody says."

"It's not worth it," James sighed.

"Yeah, it's hard to have a party with you and no Sirius, but it does seem to go a lot smoother without him," Lily replied with a forced laugh.

James gave her a dark look before looking away. Lily couldn't tell if it was what she said, if it was what Dumbledore had told them, if it was Sirius's absence, if it was being trapped in a smaller space, if it was the Prewett brothers' deaths, or if it was some other drama unfolding in the mind of James Potter that was making him that miserable.

The rest of the day, they both tried to put on happy faces as they played with Harry. Lily could tell they were both out of it. They were going through the motions, but there was no happiness. The only hope for the next day was that Bathilda would be visiting.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning they sat in the front room with Bathilda. James and Lily would take turns making faces at Harry or bouncing him while Bathilda spoke on James's favorite topic, the first wizarding world war. Lily was growing tired of the subject because somehow Bathilda and James always rehashed the same parts of the story.

It was weird to have the author of history textbooks in their house speaking to them as they were likely going to make the next history books on this war. The thought really made Lily uncomfortable. What would people think of her giving her life for her son? Would they think her foolish? How many would say she should have dueled him instead? Would Dumbledore tell everyone that they knew what they were doing? Would it even work or would they be just another family slaughtered by Voldemort?

"But why didn't Dumbledore face him earlier? He clearly was powerful enough the entire time to be able to face him?" James asked, his voice pulling Lily back into the conversation. Why did he always ask the same questions? Did he really want to encourage Bathilda to repeat the story in the same exact way?

"You're clever," Bathilda responded, like she had the ten times before. "Most people don't think to ask that question. They act as if his lack of involvement was because he didn't have the power to defeat Grindelwald. If you really want to know the truth, it was because Dumbledore and Grindelwald were friends. I watched them play and work together one summer."

"What?" James asked, feigning surprise. In this odd charade, it was hard to tell if it was Bathilda or James who was senile.

"Grindelwald was staying in Godric's Hollow near to where the Dumbledores used to live. Grindelwald was a bright boy, just like Albus. They got along about as good as, if not better than you and Black do."

"Really?" James said. Somehow he still managed to believe the ridiculous story every time she tells it.

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled Harry from the lap of James who was now staring intently at Bathilda. She had grown to distrust her stories, especially as she kept repeating several of them. Bathilda was a nice old lady, but it was clear that she was out of her mind.

"Yes, they made plans together for the greater good. I think even Dumbledore himself was responsible for that slogan…"

Lily made a funny face at Harry to hide her disgust at Bathilda's story. Lily couldn't understand why she kept repeating this story. Dumbledore had clearly been more like James and Sirius, always against the Dark Arts and doing everything to fight it. There was no way he entertained the idea of ruling the muggles because witches and wizards were superior—that reminded her of arguments with Severus about muggles.

Then it hit her: What if Dumbledore had been more like Severus?

Had something happened in Albus's childhood like Severus's to make him mistrust muggles? Had he been attracted to the power of dark magic in its ability to solve that problem? Then he realized his mistake and turned around to fight this enemy? Why did it take him so long to face his former friend? What had made Severus turn around faster?

There was a knock at the door. Lily looked to James with fear as he went to the door. Could this be it? Had Peter already snapped under pressure?

"Wormtail!" James exclaimed from the door and Lily let out a sigh of relief. She hadn't really expected Peter to fail that quickly.

"Oh, I can go," Bathilda said, standing up as James and Peter entered the room. "I don't want to interfere with this war. I like the spot on the sidelines. I'll come around on Sunday. Have a Happy Halloween."

"Thanks, Bathilda," Lily said, giving her a hug while holding Harry. "We'll see you Sunday."

"How are you?" Lily asked as she reentered the front room after seeing Bathilda to the door. "You don't look well."

Peter shrugged.

"It feels like the world is falling around our hiding spots," James said as he sat down next to Peter on the couch.

Peter nodded. He opened his mouth, shut it, and then opened it again.

"I don't know if I'm going to make it." Peter finally managed to whimper out.

"Neither do we," James lied smoothly. It was times like this that Lily sometimes feared that James was too good of a liar and had managed to hide major things from her.

Peter stayed the rest of the day as they all tried to feign happiness for Harry. Lily felt guilty the entire time.


	8. Chapter 8

Lily was not a stranger to feeling guilty, especially since they went into hiding. She felt guilty when people went to battles and she had to stay home. She felt guilty when she heard of deaths because she feels like she might have been able to save them if she had been there. All of that was nothing like the guilt she was feeling now.

She felt guilty for having to leave Harry alone when the time came. She felt guilty for feigning happiness every time she looked at Harry to keep his spirits up. She felt guilty for knowing that James didn't really have to die, but that he would rebel against the plan if he knew that. She felt guilty for the lies that she told him in the war. She felt guilty for not telling him about Severus's involvement in the plan. She felt guilty for abandoning Severus. She felt guilty for feeling guilty about Severus.

Anything that happened caused guilt. Seeing Peter reminded her that they had only gone along with him being secret keeper because they expected him to be weak and sell them out. Seeing Harry reminded her that he was going to live with Petunia and how she had never tried to reconcile that relationship after James thoroughly insulted her husband and now it was going to hurt Harry. As James and Peter talked about Remus and how they suspected him to be the spy, Lily felt guilty because she knew that Severus had been right about the marauders even though she fought him on it. And when she looked at James, she couldn't help but feel that her thinking of Severus so much recently was some form of cheating on their marriage.

When James pulled out Harry's broom for him to play on, Lily claimed she had enough and needed to sleep. Unfortunately she couldn't sleep. She just laid in bed and felt guilty about everything. This time she wondered if she was prepared for the next life. Was she feeling guilty because she wasn't good enough for Heaven and she knew her life was ending in a few weeks or months?

When she had enough of the guilty thoughts, Lily hopped out of bed and grabbed the bible from the shelves in their bedroom. They hadn't been as religious as she would have liked and she felt guilty about that. She hadn't read to Harry from the bible yet. She laughed at the thought, who worries about reading the bible to one year olds.

The laughter turned to tears as she knew why it mattered for her. She didn't have the promise to be able to read to Harry again. She plopped on the bed and opened the bible. Her family had always taught her that families would be together forever, but she doubted she would find that in the bible. She felt guilty for leaving the religion of her childhood over her ruined friendship with her sister.

She flipped through the pages of the bible. It brought her comfort as she brought her mind to task at hand: read something from the bible. She silently prayed that it would provide the strength and comfort she needed at the moment.

Her eyes were drawn to 1 Corinthians 15 and she began to read. James and Harry entered the room as she reached verse 24.

"What are you reading?" James asked as he sat on the edge of the bed and handed Harry a bottle.

"First Corinthians," Lily replied.

"Why don't you read it out loud for all of us? I've been meaning to pull it out ever since our talk with Dumbledore."

Lily gave him a significant look before she began to read aloud.

"Then cometh the end, when he shall have delivered up the kingdom of Gd, even the Father; when he shall have put down all rule and all authority and power. For he must reign, till he hath put all enemies under his feet. The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death. For he hath put all things under his feet. But when he saith all things are under him, it is manifest that he is—[1 Corinthians 15: 24-27]"

"And here comes our end," James said, laying Harry down on their bed.

Lily nodded, sitting up with her back to James in hopes of hiding her tears.

James came over and sat next to her, pulling the bible into his lap.

"The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death," James read verse 26 again before breaking down into tears.

Lily's tears vanished in shock. Her brave James crying? She pulled him into her and let him cry into her shoulder. Eventually her tears fell on his shoulder. They cried together for who knows how long, but it felt so much better than all the other times she cried. For once, being vulnerable together made her feel strong.

"Is this really the right choice?" James asked, drying his face with his robe sleeve.

"Isn't there a scripture somewhere else about how the greatest love is to lay down your life for your friends? I think laying down our life for our friends and Harry counts." Lily said, she felt silly for not remembering where that scripture was in the bible. She used to be such a scriptorian.

"It's so hard to think that we have to give up all this," James said, gesturing to Lily and Harry. "We have something so wonderful. Life has been a dream until recently when friends have been dropping like the golden snidget population when it started being used for quidditch. It's only a matter of time until our close friends die."

"I've already lost some close friends," Lily countered, thinking of Marlene and Jane.

"I meant a marauder, those guys are like my family." James said. "It would be like if your parents had died at the hands of Death Eaters instead of in a car crash."

"Sometimes I think the Death Eaters were involved since they were in hiding" Lily said bitterly, looking out the darkened window.

"Anyhow, it's going to be us next," James started, suddenly irritated. "All because of some da—"

"James!" Lily interrupted, "Not in front of Harry."

James rolled his eyes and picked up the sleeping toddler and started carrying him into the other room. James's sudden anger had frightened her. She couldn't blame him though, this situation was hardly their fault.

"I'm sorry," James said, returning to the room. "I'm not trying to take out my anger on you. It's just…"

"Hard. Don't worry, I'm perfectly aware of how hard it is," Lily's voice started raising, escalating their conversation.

"I'm sorry, Lily," James spat, sitting down next to her on the bed. "It's just, we didn't choose to be the parents of the boy marked by Voldemort. I wanted to see Harry's future, go to his Quidditch matches, train him. Now I won't even live to see his second birthday!"

Lily wondered if she could tell him he didn't have to die, but she knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let her die. When she had been injured severely right after they were married, he had been a wreck. She knew she couldn't condemn him to a life like that.

"I know, we would rather be out there fighting," Lily continued his train of thought. "We would rather die fighting than standing around wandless at home, but the magic we are relying on will not permit that."

James nodded and they sat in an angry silence.


	9. Chapter 9

The longer they sat in silence, the more Lily just wanted to be happy and in love. Why was it up to her to shoulder the burden of the wizarding world? Why did she have to live and die in lies? Why can't she just be happy with her life with James and Harry?

"I love you," James said, turning Lily's head so they were looking into each other's eyes. He wasn't angry anymore. "I just wish we had longer to spend together."

Lily pointed back at the bible, hoping to get off the topic of their lost future. "The last enemy that shall be defeated is death. If we truly believe, then this isn't the end."

"Or maybe it is giving us the courage to face death as heroes," James said, moving the bible to the nightstand. "My dad always told me to greet death like an old friend when he comes."

Lily didn't know what possessed her, but she couldn't help but laugh as she imagined James frantically waving at Voldemort as he entered the front door, waving just like he used to at Hogwarts to get either her or Sirius's attention.

"What?" James asked defensively.

"I just imagined you greeting Voldemort like you used to greet me and Sirius in the Great Hall," Lily replied. Tears were in her eyes, but they were tears of remembrance.

James smirked. "That's a funny thought."

Lily couldn't stop laughing. It was as if the stress of the situation was coming out in laughter instead of tears. As she kept on laughing, James slowly joined in until he was laughing as ferociously. Uncontrolled laughter turned into a tickle battle. Then they started kissing passionately. Happiness started returning to Lily. She pulled away to smile at James.

James smiled back, "I guess we have the gift of knowing we are in our last days. That way we know to treasure each happy moment."

"It's not like we were going to live forever in the first place," Lily replied.

"Who says this isn't forever?" James bantered. "If I had to be stuck in one moment, it would be this one."

"What makes this one so special?" Lily asked mischievously.

"We've both just come to terms with death. We both are here being brave. And," James reached for a kiss, "we are both happy with all this dark stuff hanging over us."

"I guess that is quite the accomplishment," Lily said, allowing herself to collapse back onto James.

* * *

The next day was so much better. Lily was surprised at how much talking as a couple had made the load they were both carrying easier. As they played with Harry, Lily felt like she was genuinely happy instead of just pretending.

After cleaning up breakfast, she wandered back upstairs and marked the verse in the bible that comforted them last night. "The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death." She then went back down to enjoy the remaining time she had with Harry and James.

After dinner, Lily finally relented and let James put up the Halloween decorations he had been begging to put up. It seemed a better activity than continuing to let James feed Harry more candy than a 15 month old should be eating and he had been complaining about toast the other day.

They got their wands out and were transfiguring the knickknacks around the house into pumpkins and jackolanterns and skeletons and ghosts.

Harry started crying because neither of them were paying attention to him. Lily knew James was in the room with Harry, so she figured it would be fine to finish decorating the dining room.

That was when the detectors went off.


	10. Chapter 10

The detectors weren't loud. After having Remus set them off several times and waking the newborn Harry, Lily had insisted on a quieter alarm. It was a hum, almost too quiet to notice unless you knew what it was.

She quickly moved to the front room where she found James using his wand to create smoke rings. That had been his favorite method of entertaining Harry. It would be her last memory.

"It's time for bed and death," Lily couldn't believe her choice of words. They were likely to be her last. "Don't act panicked, just give me Harry and set your wand down."

James jumped up from the floor. Lily noticed the curtains were open and hoped that they wouldn't do anything to give away the plan. She took the baby from James.

"Your wand," she hissed as she headed upstairs. She immediately regretted it as those would be her last words to him. She wanted to call out something else, but being overheard would ruin everything.

The weight of everything hit her as she made it to Harry's room, just as the front door opened with a bang. This was it.

"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!" James voice came from downstairs.

Lily spared a moment to worry, but then she realized it didn't matter if he used a wand or not. It wasn't his death that would save Harry. She set Harry down in his crib. She needed to clear her mind now. Occlumency was of the utmost importance.

There was cruel laughter and the unfamiliar voice that shouted, "Avada Kedavra!"

The image of Severus waving her on when the quintaped was in the hall came into her mind as she heard a thud. This is ridiculous! Her husband just died, why was she thinking about Severus?

She knew why. It was because he made this situation possible. It was because she was remembering him teaching her occlumency because it was some cool obscure branch of magic. Thinking of Severus was going to give everything away. Lily needed more time!

She shoved the dresser in front of the door and then grabbed for anything else. No emotion. No thoughts. Protect Harry. Life is pointless without James. She recited these things to herself.

Harry started crying, pulling her from her attempts at occlumency. She ran to pick him up and comfort him. She wondered if Severus would still be at Hogwarts when Harry attended. The door blasted open.

This was it, this was the end. She set Harry in his crib and let the shock of the hideousness of Voldemort's features clear her mind. She stepped in front of Harry so he could not kill Harry without killing her.

He stepped into the room.

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!" Lily pleaded, though she felt it was more about the prophecy than about what was happening in this moment.

"Stand aside, you silly girl…stand aside now…" His cold voice seeped into her bones.

"Not Harry, please no," Lily remembered that she needed to bargain. "Take me, kill me instead—"

"This is my last warning—"

"Not Harry! Please…have mercy…have mercy," Lily wasn't sure who she was talking to now: fate or Voldemort. "Not Harry! Not Harry! Please—I'll do anything—"

"Stand aside—stand aside, girl—"

Rage filled his eyes as a flash of green light erupted from his wand. Lily's last mortal thought: wow, a non-verbal killing curse.

Everything was black. Everything was light. She saw James by the lake and ran.

She had no capacity to worry anymore.

~The End~

**I have no reviews, so if you have stuck with me to the end, please let me know what you think.


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